1,384 days

Today marks 1,384 days without Christian.

When Christian was born, we never fathomed that we would be around to experience the date at the end of his dash.  We had 1,383 days with our fun loving, little blonde charmer.

And now it will always be more days without him than with him.

And I can't quite wrap my mind around that.

I know that when we get to Heaven, we will be together for eternity and all this pain and hurt and missing will be made right. MADE RIGHT. As in I won't be disappointed!  I have no idea how that will work or what this making of things right will look like... but what I DO know is this:

"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." -1 Corinthians 2:9

Let me tell you, I love God!  I am not perfect and fail Him often, but I love Him.  I can't imagine sacrificing any of my children for another person, let alone a person that is wicked and undeserving, but God has done that for me. For me! Saved by Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Son of my Creator.  How can you not love the One that gives his life for you?

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.  -John 14:2-3

God is preparing a place for me.  I wonder if Christian gets to see any of this preparation? I wonder if God would ever ask Christian what color my kitchen should be. I mean, I love to cook and it gives me joy, so God would surely give me a kitchen, right?  Can a feast in Heaven be a potluck, but one where all the food is piping hot instead of room temperature?  It brings me such joy to eat and talk and hang out with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Would God laugh if Christian thought my kitchen should be orange polka dots? Lots of questions pop in my head when I think about what God is preparing.

I started writing this post with a measure of sadness in my heart. I have started and stopped and walked away and returned to the computer. I don't really know what to say about these numbers of days and milestones.

I guess I have a choice in how to face them... I can face them with sorrow and sadness for the number today that is greater than the number yesterday.  Or I can face them with gratitude.


I choose to be thankful for the 1,383.  This exact number is definitely not what I would have chosen for myself, for Christian, for David, for my other boys... But God sees further down the road than I do. He will make things right. He is preparing a place for me. He told me so!

And as I didn't know how to face this day 1,384, I knew to Whom and Where I should turn for the answer. To God and to the Bible.  That is the only TRUTH there is in this world.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.  -Philippians 4:8-9

I began with a date and numbers and a heavy heart.

And then through His Word, God reminded me of His plans and love for me. He reminded me to look forward and see that this world is temporary. This heartache is temporary.

Whatever hurt or trial you are going through, whatever loss you are mourning, remember that this world is not all there is. If you have believed on Jesus Christ, the best (better than your life has ever been, better than you could have ever dreamed) is yet to come!  God will make all things right. Keep trusting Him.  Look to the Bible for the Truth you seek.  You won't be disappointed.